How to Reduce Stress on Your Wedding Day

The Best Things in Life Are Free – ‘Tip’ to Reduce Wedding Day Stress

images — Money well spent on your Big Day.

The best things in life are free, but you can leave it to the birds and the bees…I want money,” so goes the song many of us remember and it came to mind this morning when a lovely coordinator we work with – Kelley Cannon – emailed to ask about tips. She wanted to know if it’s standard for couples to tip their videographers, and if so, what is the appropriate amount? Here’s what I had to tell her.

Honestly, we rarely receive tips and we don’t expect them. When we are tipped, it’s typically between $50 – $150 per shooter (and we do a happy dance in the parking lot on our way home). The best ‘tip’ for those couples who’d rather not tip us: provide a hot meal and a parking spot.

After shooting with our hearts and souls to capture the emotions and moments of the day and to ensure the family can revisit every significant moment in their video, it sucks to eat a BLT made the day before served alongside a stale cookie. It’s not always quite so bad, but it has been on occasion and those meals stick out in our minds like a walk down a pirate’s plank. A hot dinner or a divine vendor meal can really rejuvenate a shooter and have them feeling ready to take on the last part of the shoot with renewed vigor! And a parking spot can really take the edge off when shooting in a one-take environment.

Not having valet parking or an assigned spot can be a huge stress on any vendor. There’s no worse feeling than driving around the block searching for an on street spot or garage when you know the bride is inside putting her dress on or the processional is lining up. Yikes! While we do arrive early, if there isn’t a spot available for us, cruising the neighborhood is all we can do (I did have a shooter park illegally, halfway on the sidewalk outside a Cathedral in DC once, and they weren’t even ticketed, but that’s another story!). Spending $10-$20 on parking to ensure your cameras are actually filming and not driving around is a great investment.

The reality is, the meal and the parking spot guarantee that you get as much time in front of that camera as we can possibly provide. Months after, when you’re sitting on the sofa watching your wedding video for the first time, you’ll be thrilled to see all that was captured without you being aware of us. But you’d be really upset if your dad’s impromptu toast was missing because your shooter was out grabbing a burger or feeding the meter. If you can avoid this (and we know that sometimes you can’t), then it’s the best tip we can get!

If you’re looking for more tips on ‘tips’, ask Kelley for a copy of her “Wedding Gratuities Guide” here.

For more tips on how to reduce stress on your wedding day, check out our Less Stress series: Category “How to Reduce Stress on Your Wedding Day”

Why It’s Easier to Film a Wedding With a Coordinator in Charge

It's so sweet when someone else worries for you.

While there are plenty of articles out there that will tout the merits of a planner or coordinator, I can attest from personal experience that those weddings with an organized, friendly, calm coordinator at the helm are much easier to capture on film.

A calm person in charge keeps everyone focused on their own role, while they focus on problem solving. You see, I haven’t been to a wedding yet (my own included), where something didn’t go wrong. Last week I lunched with one of my favorite coordinators and she told me a story about how the band’s drummer got into a car accident on the way to the wedding. He was fine, but was running late. She kept this information under wraps and managed to sneak the drums in the back door during the salad course and the couple was none the wiser. When her bride and groom bemoaned the fact they hadn’t a souvenir favor or program from their wedding day, she paid out of her own pocket to order an extra set from the manufacturer. Problems solved.

For those events where there has been no coordinator involved, we have had a much harder time doing our job. I’ve had my shooters ironing a wrinkled wedding dress, checking on the weather and bringing the DJ food and drinks, just to help things run smoothly when they’re starting to wobble. Without a coordinator, we often end up having to stay overtime because the schedule runs late and we haven’t filmed the cake cutting when we’re supposed to be leaving. If you end up paying for all your vendors to stay late, you may as well have hired a coordinator for the money you’d otherwise be spending on surcharges.

If you want to enjoy the most expensive party you’re ever going to throw, then having someone else worry about it for you is just about the nicest thing you can do for yourself. Your vendors will better be able to bring their true talents to the table and shine (not that we’re not good at ironing). And that’s a wrap!

For more ideas on how to reduce stress on your wedding day, check out some of our other articles in the Dolce “Less Stress” series! See the “How to Reduce Stress on Your Wedding Day” category in the right margin.

The Less Stress Binder

As you plan your wedding day, you’re probably starting to gather all your correspondences, ripped out magazine pages and contracts with vendors in a pile somewhere, hoping to keep your ideas and plans together in one place. While you may not have a problem finding that one important piece of information YET, I recommend reducing your future stresses with, what I call, The Less Stress Binder. I did this for my own wedding day, and it was a real time saver. It also saved me from an enormously stressful situation on my wedding day. The flowers arrived. Dead. Because my sister-in-law had my version of The Less Stress Binder in her hot little hands, she was able to call the florists, email a photo of the flowers, fax a copy of the contract and have replacements delivered and set out, all before I showed up at the wedding. I did not learn about the fiasco until after my honeymoon and was saved an enormous amount of stress on my wedding day as a result.

So what is The Less Stress Binder? Gather all those papers you’ve accumulated and separate them into piles according to vendor category. Everything cake related goes in the cake section, everything DJ related goes in the music section, everything place card related goes in the stationary section…and so on. You figure out what divider tabs you need based on what you are planning to hire and incorporate. Now, when you meet with vendors you have pictures and ideas to show them. As you sign contracts, put the signed contract AT THE FRONT of the section. Keep the oldest ideas and papers at the back of the section and the newest ones at the front.

Now, here is the best part about the Less Stress Binder project! On the day of your wedding, give the binder to SOMEONE ELSE and ask them to be in charge of that information and the use of it on the wedding day. Ideally, you have a planner you can give it to. If not, chose a friend or relative who you know can handle a stressful situation and be an advocate on your behalf. My sister-in-law can be really sweet, but she can also be a real battle axe, and that worked out well for me with the flower debacle!

While it may take a little bit of effort to pull The Less Stress Binder together, it could result in being your free pass for enjoying the most out of your Big Day. And that’s ultimately what it’s all about!

Less Stress Planning & Pleasing

I once heard someone say that the most relaxed brides before the wedding end up being the most stressed brides on the day of the wedding. Their argument was that those brides hadn’t really finalized a lot of their decisions before the Big Day, so a battery of vendors positing a barrage of questions requiring on the spot answers resulted in a stressed-out bride. On the other extreme, I’ve worked with brides who have planned their events to such detail that they are married to their idea of the wedding day and there isn’t any room for error, spontaneity or for the groom! No photographer or filmmaker can improve a pinched smile and stressed face, so what is a bride to do?

There are 2 things you can do to ensure you enjoy your wedding day. 1. Plan ahead. 2. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks (your mother included).

napkins on the side! photo by Stephanie Bridgewater. — Napkins on the side! Photo by Stephanie Bridgewater

Remember that relaxed bride? She was so easy-going she never thought about whether the napkins would go in the glass or on the plate. She didn’t count on boutonnieres for the ring boy and ushers, and now her sister-in-law is looking for them everywhere (they don’t exist). This is the bride whose easy-going attitude is being sabotaged on the very day she needs it most. Deferring all those decisions will rack up a lot of little stresses on the wedding day that will turn your smile into a frown. Plan these details out in advance so you don’t have to worry about them when you’re supposed to be having fun.

Then there’s the bride who has everything planned to the second. Her timeline is biblical, because she’s scheduled everything from bathroom breaks to when the lights are turned down. This bride has become overwrought and overrun by her wedding. Chances are, it’s because a lot of people are telling her that unless she does x, then y and z will be upset, unimpressed, insulted, etc. Now, she is worried about pleasing everyone. Remember that a wedding day is about starting a committed romantic life publicly and employing the support of family and friends in this new union and new chapter. If they are requiring your support on the day you need theirs, people are going to be disappointed. Know that you have taken everyone’s input into consideration and planned an event that will address the needs of as many people as possible. On the day of, enjoy the fruits of your labors and let others worry about the rest.

Through advanced planning and remembering to be pleased by your wedding day and not spend it pleasing others, you can ensure that your big day involves the least amount of stress. And that’s going to look great in your photos and video!