Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me I Looked Like That?

How to Avoid Cringing When You See Yourself on Film… Originally posted September 6, 2009

Anyone who knows me or has met me in person knows that I have slightly crooked teeth.  This was the bane of my existence as a child, but I was raised by Eastern European parents who think it’s vain and self indulgent to spend loads of dough on making your perfectly fine teeth look like a row of Chiclets.  Thanks, mom and dad.

As an adult I’ve thought about straightening my teeth and having a perfect smile, but I really do hate two things:  dentists and change.  As a result, I have come to find my slightly crooked teeth charming and to delude myself (successfully) into believing that they are only slightly crooked.  When Jewel made her snaggletooth famous, I was forever grateful that my own snaggletooth would be the recipient of accolades all its own.  Then I saw my wedding video.

photo by David Madison

Seeing as how I am the OWNER of the company, I decided to review my video before it finalized.   And there, to my horror, was a close-up of my laughing face from the snaggletooth side.    My editor thought the shot was a really soft and pretty shot of me looking sweet.  Again, anyone who knows me knows that a moment of me seeming sweet is a rare shot indeed!  And so the shot was included.  When I looked at the shot, I saw a cackling witch in white – a sham if there ever was one!  Oh, how I suffered to think of anyone seeing me from this side and so I ordered the shot cut from the video, BECAUSE I CAN.

In hindsight, I wish I had put on my dress, shoes, hairpiece and veil, the whole kit and caboodle of my ensemble if you will, and taken photos or video of me just walking around.  Had I done this, I would have moved all three orchids in my bun to one side, I would have placed my veil above my bun instead of below it, and I would not have added the feather hairpiece for the reception.  I also would have STOOD UP STRAIGHT the whole day!  But as they say about hindsight….

If you’ve missed your chance to do a trial run in front of a video camera, as I have, then my advice to you is this:

No matter what, there will be shots of you in the video that you don’t like.  Remember that you are your harshest critic.  You may see your shoulders as stooped, your smile as a cackle, that bug bite (did I mention my bug bite?) as an eyesore, but that’s where the buck stops.  Your friends and family see your vulnerability in your soft smile.  They see confidence in your posture.  They see that bug bite as an emblem of your brazenness and remember how you got it, only two nights before the wedding, while staggering around drunk with your bridesmaids and singing “I’m Every Woman” in a field in West Virginia (don’t ask)!  The people who love you and cherish you and want you to be a part of their lives see sweetness in you and in your life.  And our job is to capture you as you are, to capture your version of the sweet life.

And if that hasn’t convince you, think of this:

In thirty years when your breasts have dropped, your teeth are capped and your thighs will never again see the light of day, you will look back on your video and wistfully recall how gorgeous you once were.